Well, I’m writing this post to basically fill in the few and wonderful followers that I have as to what has been going on in my life. I know my blog is small with few followers, but the number of followers has never been what I aimed for when I created my blog.
I created my blog because of my love for books and the written word. I wanted to be able to have a place to discuss my favorite books and have honest and open opinions about the characters I love and hate. And I found that when I created my blog, I didn’t care how many followers I got or how popular or big my blog grew. No, I was happy just finding this wonderful, beautiful, community of fellow book lovers. And for a few years now, my blog became my baby, my wonderful achievement. Something I spent countless hours putting my love and life into.
However, life is a fickle mistress and things happen. Life changes. And sometimes we have to put something we love aside to achieve something else, maybe something we love even more. And that’s my case here.
I don’t usually share a lot of my personal life on social media of any sort, usually just a bit here and there. But I felt a little explanation as to why I’ve been slow to update, review, comment, and even read was in order as well as my next steps in life.
You see, for a while I was able to devote nearly all my time to my blog when I was in school in North Carolina while my husband was still enlisted. Even after he got out and we moved to Greensboro, my blog only slowed down a little bit. I was still able to devote the time I wanted while also working on my own writing and other projects. And I cherished that time. I was able to get a few poems published, finish my first full length novel, I interned with a small publishing company, learning the ins and outs of the publishing world, and I also did some beta reading for some amazing authors. All while trying to achieve my dream, to write and to live by writing. The written word is my passion and my place of happiness and comfort.
Nonetheless, life is a reckless obstacle course, throwing challenges in your way at every opportunity. Family matters called and my husband and I then had to pack up and leave the beautiful Greensboro, North Carolina to head back home. A place I haven’t live in in nearly six years. Was I happy about the move? Yes and no. I missed my family dearly, being near them once again made me happy, but then again, I also fell in love with North Carolina and the freedom and the abundant opportunities it provided for my husband and myself. But we were needed back home, so we once again moved (the fourth time in nearly five years).
It wasn’t an easy change. My husband and I had a lot to adjust to in both our personal life – by not being entirely on our own because we had family nearby – and the change of career choice both my husband and I were going through. With my husband out of the military, he is focusing on school and what he wants to do. Being back at home allowed him that, which I am so thankful for. However, I had to make some changes in my life as well while we are in this transitional phase of our life. Luckily, I was able to find a job that I adore, in an environment I thought I wouldn’t be back in. The world of art.
As much as I love writing and reading, it wasn’t always my main passion (though I spent countless hours reading and writing). Growing up, painting and drawing had been. I did, for quite a long time, believe I would go to an art school and pursue that desire. However, as I got older, I realized as much as I loved to paint and draw, it wasn’t what I wanted and then I slowly drifted away from it. And it wasn’t until I was in school, had changed my major about three times, that I realized that my love for books and writing is what really called to me.
But moving back home I had to put a few things aside and find a job while my husband and I got back on our feet and cleared the road we wanted to take in life. And I did found a job, in a world I didn’t think I wanted to be back in. I started working at a painting studio. Yes, I was back in the art world, much to my surprise. I honestly believed I wouldn’t enjoy the job as much as I did, but I do. I realized how much I did miss being surrounded by painting and drawing and just… art.
However, I then realized as I spent more time in the studio, something was happening. Something was changing. I realized I was juggling an arm load of projects: my blog, editing, writing, beta reading, reviewing, painting, helping out with classes at the studio, trying to visit family, spend time with my husband, and now also applying back to school. And I’m also going to be working on a pretty big project, which is going to take a lot of time and effort, with some of my fellow artists. Life is a reckless obstacle course. I was putting more and more onto my plate. And lately, I’ve found myself very tired, both physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I have also found myself thinking about what do I want.
And that’s such a hard question to answer when your life is tossed up in the air and you find yourself trying to find your place once again when so many things are changing and challenging you. What do you give up to pursue what you want, what you love? I have been pondering that very question for a few months now as my life slows down and I’m finding my footing on slightly unstable ground.
It’s such a life changing experience when you realize, you can’t do it all if you want to achieve your dreams. It’s also kind of heartbreaking when you realize what you need to set aside and what you need to focus on.
If I want to focus on my own writing and achieve my dream of actually publishing my work, of having time to edit, then what gives? Sadly, that’s something that has become very near and dear to my heart, my baby, my blog. It pains me to realize that my blog is going to have to be set aside because something has to give, something has to change because I can’t keep juggling everything. And without even noticing, my blog already has been set aside. I’ve been posting less and less, trying to keep up with commenting and reviewing. But it just gets hard at times and as much as I love it, the community and the people, I realize I need to step back from it if I want a bit of air to breath and time to focus on tasks that are more important.
But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be shutting down my blog, hopefully not yet, maybe one day, but not today. What that means is I’m stepping back and putting my blog second… or third. Whatever. So I can focus on other things in life.
Does that mean I’ll completely stop posting? No. Does that mean I’ll stop reviewing? Of course not. Does that mean I’ll stop trying to comment and check on the blogs and bloggers that I have come to love so dearly? Hell no! It just means I’m not going to be around as much. But it doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen out of love with this wonderful community of amazing people.
I just want to focus on my dreams. To be able to focus on my own writing and editing. On my art and this upcoming project. On my husband and my family. As much as I don’t want to, as much as it hurts to do so, I have to step back.
And to the few and wonderful followers that I have, I just wanted you to know. That I love you dearly and that I haven’t dropped off the face of the planet. I wanted you to know what is going to happen. That Corrie the Book Crazed Girl is going to slow down. That I won’t be around as much because life is a bitch and why can’t I juggle it all?
Read in order to live - Gustave Flaubert